Worse Than Worthless Gray

I'm back. Me. Gray, I mean. If you don't believe me...well I guess then you just don't. There's no way I can convince you, and it's honestly probably not worth the effort it would take. Especially considering how hard it is to type right now for me.


None of you were really all that worried about me, or about The Kor I guess since he was typing when his post cut off, but I'm glad that you didn't. I'm not worth a single passing thought. I'm a terrible person, and everything bad that's going to happen to me is all my fault. It's all because I'm so stupid and useless and completely unable to protect anyone.


One person. That was all I wanted. To save one person. I had no lofty ideas of being any kind of hero, no ambition to help anyone. I just wanted to be a little better than the pile of shit that I always am and I can't even do that! Even when I hide in a corner I still manage to fuck it up somehow. Why can't I have even a little happiness in my life? Am I being punished by God? Can't I just die knowing that I didn't doom anyone else.


My mom knows about it all. All of it. She doesn't believe it but it's only a matter of time. I figure I should tell the whole story, but it's late and I'm tired and my arm hurts and I just want to sleep. Besides, I bet that no one will want to read this blog anymore anyway. I'm just a sinking ship that will bring anyone I love down with me. That's all any of us are. The starting point from which the infection spreads. Every one of His victims represents four more in the future. What will we do when it is too late to stop the sickness?



I don't know what I'm rambling about. It's hard to type with one arm. I'll post more of the story tomorrow. Good night.

Diskoraging much?

Everyone here has been quite rude to me, I think you should apologize. When my dear Gray was posting the comments were all, 'believe in yourself!' and 'I know it's hard, but we're all here for youuu~<3'.


And then I come on and you all barely know me and already you lash out. I have the self-confidence and personal drive to want to try and save myself and my loved ones from a monster, and you're all nothing but discouraging! I thought that this was supposed to be a support network. I figured you'd all be happy that someone else is attempting to learn how to end this thing that plagues all our lives. Just cause you don't think I can do it is no reason to be rude.


Honestly, what the fuck did I do wrong? Have the gall to only be here by taking over Gray's head? WE ARE EVEN PARTS OF THIS BODY. I was trapped inside for three years, don't I deserve to stretch my legs? For all you know, I might be the original personality that was ousted from our collective mind. But no. Not the fucking...exclusive slenderblog community. No room for The Kor, even though all he wants to do is help.


Do you make fun of everyone when they first find out about him? Do you laugh at them and call them monsters when they just say hi and post for the first time? No wonder so many of you are pathetic messes. The people they turn to, thinking they'll find understanding are complete DICKWADS.

You were nice enough to Gray, why am I so

Trapped in a Korner

Fuck.  Fuck fuck fuck.  I was at school, you know, just keeping up my fucking appearances for our stupid mom.  Gray seems attached to her for some reason.  She brings us food, I will tolerate her for now.

That is not the point of this.  At the bus stop.  I saw him.  The fucking monster Slenderthing or whatever he's called.  Fuck fuck fuck.    

I don't know what Gray's talking about, that he's smiling.  I felt that thing's gaze on me before I turned around.  He was GLARING.  I have never felt such concentrated hatred and I BURNED THREE PEOPLE ALIVE.  But that thing is evil.

I don't want my Gray anywhere near that creature.  It has no capacity for anything other than destruction.  I am sure.  I have been doing extensive research, and so far it seems that no one has come up with any way to destroy this menace, or even to successfully evade it for very long.  But I won't give up hope.  If I have anything left, it is hope.  I will fight this monster to protect Gray.  I will succeed where no one else has.

People have been getting close.  Or at least coming up with ideas.  Gray has been more than helpful sharing anything he has learned in his time without me.  Except one thing.

Have any of you ever heard of Root Theory?  I've never had this happen before, but Gray has locked away a portion of his mind from me, and I can't access it.  Even when he's sleeping.  I don't know what would cause my love to mistrust me so, I hope no one is blackmailing him.  If they are I will deal with them SEVERELY.  I've only heard of this Root Theory thing because he'd doodled about it all over his notebooks.  I tried FUCKING GOOGLING IT (Sanna), and nothing came up.  When I try and reach into our mind to find out about it, I hit a wall.

So I'm reaching out instead to this benevolent blogging community.  If it can help me save my dearest Gray, then I would appreciate any help that you can give me.

And the sooner I get rid of that monster, the sooner I can close my eyes and not see him glaring at me.  It won't leave my mind.

Have a nice day!

The Kor of the Matter

What?  If Gray can name all his posts in such a self centered manner then so can I.  But mine will be more fun! :)

So anyway, I've been going back through the little thing's blog, and his emails and memories and journals and I have just one thing to say:

WHO IS THIS FUCKING SLENDERMAN GOING AFTER MY PRECIOUS GRAY?!?!?!

He will DIE before he touches a hair on our head.  I knew that mental hospital was bad for him.  They called him crazy, he wasn't crazy.  He was perfect, and now he's got some creepy....thing coming after him for no reason.  Well, maybe it's because he's so cute, but he'd have to get in line for that because I CALLED DIBS.  GRAY IS MINE, BACK OFF SLENDERFUCK.

Would one of you kindly explain to me how I can expunge that waste of space from My Love's head so that he can go back to thinking about important things?  Namely: ME.  He's been spending all his time cowering in fear of something other than me, and I can't take that.  Only I'm allowed to make him scared.

And I'm the only one who gets to see his cute shaking <3

Well, no worries.  If he dares to show his face-less face thing to me I'll BURN IT OFF.

Have a nice day!  XD

Fractured Gray

I feel great. I feel strong. I'm not usually one to have strength. Today I saw Him outside my window, and my initial instinct to panic wasn't there. Instead I felt this warm surge of....something, and then He just vanished. And my slender sickness went with him. I haven't brought it up in a while, but I've been not doing too well dealing with it. But when he vanished it just up and evaporated like some physical impediment leaving my body.

In light of this rare moment of clear-mindedness, I figure it's the best chance I'm going to get to level with you all.

I was putting off telling you about this because....
a) it's terrifying to put your most closely held secrets online where anyone could read them and
b) because some part of me thought that if I didn't talk about it then maybe it would go away.


But it's gotten to the point where my story just becomes confusing without it, and after the visit from Maritza and Jeresy, I feel a bit more secure in my own mind. Living in fear of him coming back isn't going to keep him from returning.


I've referenced several times already having been in a Hospital. That's because I spent a large portion of my life in a mental institution after the formation of a dangerously violent split personality. I had a really hard time as a kid, maybe not worse than now but I was younger. And it was so easy to not have to think about solving my problems, I could just rely on him to take care of them for me.


It's easy to give in to. 

Some part of me does wish he was back so that I wouldn't have to deal with all this Slender stuff on my own. He could deal with it for me. He is very sweet to me, sometimes it makes it hard to remember to hate him. But he hurts people, and I don't want to hurt people. No matter how painless or simple that route would be. 

Wait, guys...that strength in my stomach, something's wrong with it.  It's so hot, and it's getting hotter like i'm onfireeee ohgoodddddddddhicant beathhhhhhhhhhhhhBREATHING. 

I remember that. And fingers, our fingers are doing something, what do we have here? We're typing something. What is this supposed to be? Let's go brain diving!


We have a BLOG? Well that's something I didn't expect to come home to. Well, at least that means I get an audience.


*achem*

Ladies and Gentlemen, our main actor has retaken the staaaaage! Let's have a big round of applause for our hero, THE KOOOOOOOOR!!!!! XDDDD

That's capital “T” The, capital “K” Kor. Don't forget it. Tattoo it on the inside of your eyelids. The Kor. :)

It's been so stuffy trapped in that poor kid's gloomy-ass head for all this time. And things have probably gone to shit without me. Little Gray never could take care of himself, he's lucky I'm here for him.  Those evil doctors thought they were "helping" by cutting me out of his head.  But it's all okay, because I have returned so he never has to be alone anymore.  He's not strong enough to live without me.  We'll make it through this together. Together like we were always meant to be.


He's back in good hands.

I'll have to spend some time fishing through his memories and finding out all of what I missed in my short absence!  I'm sure he didn't get up to anything terribly exciting without me around.  I always have all the fun ideas between us. :)

This is The Kor, saying have a great day! We're going to have SO much fun together! Now, where did I leave my matches?

Candy-Coated-Blue Gray

That's the exact color of paint that I now have spotted all over my skin and clothes.  But I have my window opened and I think the air and sunlight is doing me wonders.

I kinda lied to my mom this morning, saying that I was too sick to go to school.  I don't pull this often, so she let me get away with it.  I think she's just been generally worried about me lately.  I couldn't keep my ever growing despair completely from her notice.  But she didn't press me beyond what I'm comfortable with, after all, she's used to dealing with me being like this.  I've never been the happiest kid.

I'm getting off topic.  I lied to her about being sick so that when she went to work today I could have some time alone in my room with the fresh new can of paint I have acquired!  It was just calling out to be painted with.  Honestly, I've always been kind of an art geek.  I love drawing and painting, and I always have, and that's why there were so many materials around my room to mark up my walls with.  But I just couldn't bear to get rid of them.  It's been a while since I painted consciously.

My walls are about halfway covered, I tell you, it's a very relaxing feeling seeing all those words disappear behind fresh blue paint.  As if they never even existed.  Maybe they never will again.  Maybe it's just a state of mind thing.  And my state of mind has never been clearer.

I feel like myself.

Oh crap, I got paint on my laptop.  That's what I get for breaking to type up a post without washing my hands.  The smell of paint and trees is everywhere.  It's beautiful.  Better get back to work.  Catch you guys later!

Isolated Gray

So much of this experience is spent alone.  It's probably the reason so many of us make blogs.  To reach out to others, feel like we're part of a community.  Feel like we're not going crazy alone inside our own heads.  No offense to any of you, but I still wasn't a hundred percent sure that this wasn't all some crazy invention of my mind.  The blogs and everything, that I'd wake up still surrounded by white padding and doctors who spoke in soft voices.  I mean, there was nothing to say it wasn't true, but after yesterday?  I think I'm ready to believe.

You may remember that I have been expecting some paint.  From Rain or Snow Services.  Well, last night they came.  Jeresy and Maritza showed up at my house.  At my house!  I know that I sent in the request, but a part of me still doubted that it would ever happen.  But it did!  I have the paint in my room right now.  They were worried about being able to pose as my friends from high school cause apparently they're much older than me, but I think that it all was fine.  It all went great.  Surprisingly great, actually.

They showed up in the late afternoon and were very nice to my mom.  I appreciate that guys, if you're reading this.  You'll always be welcome in our home if you're in the area or need a place to crash.  Though my house isn't really on the way to anything.  Still.  You're both welcome.

Miss Maritza was very good at acting, she seemed to have come prepared with an entire fake backstory.  It was very impressive, I honestly wasn't expecting them to care that much.  Or try that hard.  Mr. Jeresy was also very kind, if a bit less talkative.  I could tell they were trying their best to complete their job to the best of their ability.  They were even kind about the state of my room.

My room, as I'm sure anyone reading this has begun to realize, looks like a can of paint exploded all over it.  I don't know if I got across the extent of it, but it certainly doesn't look like anything a sane person would create.  Even the ceiling is nearly black from the layers upon layers of words.  Maritza and Jeresy were the first to see this room besides me.

Maritza told me that she's primarily a psychology focused doctor, and I saw her start to go clinical as soon as she saw my room.  Or maybe that's just how she usually is when she's not putting on an act for my mom.  Malcolm had told me that maybe I should discuss it with her, what I'm going through and she could help me out, but in the end I couldn't do it.  These people were already doing so much for me and there was so little I could give in return, I couldn't ask for more.  They doubtlessly have more important things to worry about than the mental well-being of a soon to be dead kid.  Even still, Miss Maritza gave me her email address without me asking for it.

Humans can be so kind, I couldn't help myself from crying.  I didn't ask, but I guess I assumed that the two of them are hunted, just as I am.  If you are, Maritza, Jeresy, you don't deserve this life.  

My mom made us all dinner, it was the only payment I could offer.  They, especially Jeresy, seemed happy to have it.  It was.....it was wonderful.  My head has never felt clearer.  I got to pretend I had friends.  It certainly made my mom happier, thinking I was beginning to fit in.  I had a really great time.  If I wasn't lying about everything I said in relation to my "friends" it would have been just like I had a normal life.  But I've given up on normalcy.  Nothing will ever be normal again.

But I can let myself have this fleeting moment of it, like a daydream or a passing vision.

They headed out shortly after.  I suppose that meant my daydream was broken.  Back to everyday life now.  I came out of this experience with the paint I needed to slap a temporary bandage over the ugly secrets scrawled out on my walls.  And with a bit of restored faith in humanity.  

Rain or Snow Services is a wonderful company.  I pray that they can bring their help and compassion to many people in need.  God knows they have saved me.  In more ways than just giving me paint.  I hadn't realized how long it's been since I've been able to connect with another person.  Malcolm was there for me when I fell into this world, and now his people have saved me again.  They have brought me hope.  I cannot thank them enough.  

May they be blessed wherever they travel.

And so for the first time in a long time, I believe that tonight I could have good dreams.  Goodnight wherever you are, Miss Maritza, Mr. Jeresy.  Malcolm.  I hope you have good dreams too.