Um. Happy New Year I suppose.
That is so strange to say. I thought...I mean, Jessica found us on December 13th. I know that. I know....I guess I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I can't trust anything either. We can't have been in here more than a couple of hours, but from what I've been reading on other blogs it's been weeks. Weeks......I guess I missed Christmas.
I hadn't thought I'd live until Christmas when I started this blog. I told Malcolm that I thought it'd be nice to live until Christmas but now that I have I kinda just feel empty. Why am I alive? Did...Did He really save me? Or was it like Craft said, that I just wasn't important enough to bother killing. That makes sense. I mean, what am I? I'm a rat in a cage. I'm a worm that lost its heart and still manages to squirm. Why why why why why.
Sir Fracture suggested that it was the loop maker that saved our lives by putting us in here. Maybe that's true. But I can't help but feel like this is some kind of torture. Trapped in here. Staring at my mom. Smelling.....We were going to get a tree. No, I was going to run. Kor had decided, had made a plan to run. We wouldn't have had Christmas together anyway. Or gotten to watch the ball drop on TV. And we won't ever again. Cause that's what dead means.
It was all so easy. So fast. So fragile. I didn't think it'd be that easy to cut through flesh and bone and muscle but it all slides so easily. It all went so fast.
I'm such an idiot. Making that list of things that are wrong. I can't list out what's wrong, everything's wrong. This world is wrong. I'm wrong. This is not my kitchen and the me sleeping over there on the floor is not me and the blood leaking from the walls can't be real and this can't be my life. Weeks I've been sitting here crying and covered in blood.
I knew we all ended up this way.
I don't know who did this, or why they decided to trap us inside this dimensional box, but whoever it is must hate me. Or else they would have just let me die.
Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. By the time this goes up, I guess it could very well be Valentines Day. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything.
It definitely hit just after new years. Good timing.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you guys are being contained in a loop for a later date when whoever put you in there has need of you. You certainly wouldn't be the first runner to be put on ice.
You have a remarkable talent of being unsettling with every word you type. Has anyone ever told you that? It's like, you go to be helpful, but every word you type just twists it until it's as slanted as your italics.
DeleteThat's a real skill. You should market that.
Love and hugs,
The Kor