....Dust to Dust

I probably should have seen this coming.

I mean, it seems logical thinking back on it.  But maybe some part of me hoped for it.

This is Gray.  Alone.  Kor's gone.  I mean, not gone, he's still in my head right now, but he no longer has a physical form.  It's just the one of us.  Like always.  

The plan worked, I guess, so that's the plus side.  I'm out of my kitchen.  The factor I did not account for is the fact that starting a fire inside my house may be a bad idea in the long run.  It spread from the body to the walls and that was about when I felt the loop break down.  I don't know how I knew, I just felt something change in my chest like a loosening of a muscle I didn't know I was clenching.  And then The Kor's body vanished.  And the air got a less fuzzy quality to it, like I was seeing the real world not a perfectly copied replica.  

Oh, and my friendly buzzing is back.  Though not so bad that I'm curled up in the fetal position like before.

So I was out of the loop, but my house was also kind of on fire.  I grabbed my backpack and threw in a few things and ran out and now I am posting this while watching the last of my life burn to the ground.  It's kind of a humbling feeling, realizing how little my life amounted to.  A pile of ashes.  Fifteen years and I'm back to square one.

The current total of my life possessions are the clothes on my back, a jacket and hat, my phone, my laptop, a bag of goldfish crackers, a change of underwear, a knife, a picture of my mom, an old pack of gum and the backpack that carries it all.

You know what?  Screw it, I have no dignity left to preserve.  My stuffed rabbit Dorian too.  Yes, I still sleep with a stuffed animal at fifteen and yes I made him a priority to grab as I escaped from my burning house.  Call me a girl or a baby or whatever.  I don't care.  I figure that in the future I may want something to guard against nightmares.

And, yes, if you were wondering, He is here.  He's standing in the forest behind my house (can I still call it my house?) just kinda watching me.  At least He's giving me my personal space.  Oh, He vanished.  I feel bad for whoever He's off to pay a visit.  No sign of the proxy who made the loop.

It's so cold here.  It became the dead of winter outside in what seemed like a couple of hours for me.  I wish I had been able to grab some gloves.  Winters are always killer up here, but this one feels especially cold, even so close to the fire.  Up here?  This is so stupid.  Jessica found me despite how careful I thought I was being.  Maine.  I live in Maine.  And it's cold here.  I'm cold.

Oh no, now all the bad guys know where I live.  Well come and kill me if you feel like it.  I don't really care.  Maybe Kor cares, but it's me right now, and I don't care.

I better start walking.  It's a long way into town and I should find somewhere to sleep before it gets dark.