Caged Gray

Sorry about making so many posts all in one day, but it grounds me.  Connects me to the outside world.  Reminds me that it's still out there.  It's been nice to see you all commenting so quickly.  Hopefully that means we're reaching you.  Or it just means that I'm hallucinating worse than I thought.  Or this is purgatory.  I can't think of a worse punishment than being forced to stay with my mother like this.  I just want to let her be buried.

I'm getting off track.

All I want to do in this post is, like I said, start trying to ground myself.  I'm gonna make a list of all the things that are abnormal about this place and work backwards from there.  Maybe there's something important in all of this, like a clue about...something.  I don't know.  At least writing it down will keep it all straight and make it seem less...uncontrollable.  This is all just so out of my control.  And this way if you people know any way to help someone with these...issues...maybe you'll care enough to share.  

1. Walking out either of the doors leads to coming in the other one

2. The Kor and I are in two separate bodies, with identical wounds, but he has red eyes and I have our usual gray

3. When looking out the window all I can see is blackness

4. None of the blood, on us or on my mom appears to be drying

5. When I woke up my computer was here, even though I definitely left it in my room

6. I'm not hearing any static.  The last thing I remember before passing out was the static rising louder than ever but in here it's dead silent.  More silent than it's been since I met Him

7. Blood comes out of the sink instead of water

8. Earlier, not anymore, there was blood leaking from the tops of the walls

I...I think that might be it.  We've had something to eat and we're gonna continue doing research on loops.  If there is a proxy around he or she doesn't seem to be directly threatening us right now, so I think we may be okay to try and sleep.

If I can sleep.

If I can sleep with the smell of so much blood in the air.

I just want to forget that this ever happened.

Back on Korse

I finally pulled Gray away from the computer.  He's in a bad way right now and typing out that nonsense on here isn't going to make him feel better.  Sorry about having so many posts right in a row, but today has been a pretty crazy day.crazya does'nt begina to describe it

GRAY get off me, stop trying to type over me.  I told you you need to calm down.  I'm going to calmly explain what happened since I can't trust you to do that in the state you're inwhyshouldn't I be afterwhatyou did monster what youMOAgnster afmon tster asogh

Okay!  I'm sitting on him.  He left me no other choice, he needs to calm down before coming back on here.  Oh seriously Gray?  Are you crying again?  I thought you were through with that.  Come on...don't be a baby, you know you're way too cute when you cry and I have to focus on other things right now.  All blood streaked and tear stained, please don't try and pretend you're not purposefully trying to distract me ;)

WELL I WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED!  The careful viewer may notice a few odd things in our writing.  There are two of us.  And not like there are usually two of us.  I mean that I briefly passed out and when I woke up I saw a copy of myself there and I am The Kor and the other me is Gray and we're two separate physical individuals.  I'm sitting on him right now.

Wait, really?  Gray has just told me that my form of our body has red eyes.  RED EYES!  How fucking sweet is that?  Ooh...I should find a mirror.  BRB! XD

 Gray here...I'm calmed down.  Sorry about those posts, I just...it just...it's been a long day is all.  Like Kor said.  And there's two of us.  Like Kor said.  He's off to check out the GUSY GUYS GUYS guess what you are not going to believe what!  I walked out the door to the hallway to go to the bathroom right?  Yeah.  And instead of getting to the hallway, I come in through the front door!  Wait, what?  That doesn't make any sense.  Any more sense than the fact that we are currently in two separate bodies?  

I've read about this.  I've read about this.  Not the two bodies thing...but the walking through one door and coming in another, I've read about that on blogs before.  I know I have it's just hard to think in here...with the the the t...smeells and I'm getting blood on my keyboard aren't I?

You think about that, love, I'll tell the good people what they missed.  We're clearly going to be here for a while.  Fine.  I'm going to...to try and wash my hands off I guess.

You may all remember from my post yesterday, that today I was going to get my cast off!  Well...you may be able to tell that something didn't exactly go right.  In fact, very little went right!  But the important thing is, everyone who matters is safe and we did indeed get our cast off so mission accomplisGRAY

Fuck guys, Gray just screamed, I thought something had happened.  T-the sink is not...the water it's...blood blood is coming out of the sink instead of water oh God oh God I could lick the blood off for you if you want ;)

.......No thank you.  

Aaaanyway, what happened was that the cannibal bitch kinda caught up with us.  I know!  I thought that there was no way she would find us either!  But that's just life, isn't it?  So she bared her fangs for a bit...tried to exert dominance yadda yadda...took us back home and then got in some kind of a Shakespeare nerd-off competition with Gray.  How the fuck do you know so much Shakespeare anyway, grasshopper?

O it is monstrous!  Monstrous!

Sure...whatever that means.  Well the bitch was spewing lines like crazy and I kinda lost track of shit there, but then she knocked us out and when Gray woke up she'd taken our cast off!  Really appreciate that.  Also had us tied to a chair with copper wire which was less cool, gotta say, but not so bad.  Overall we really got out of it relatively unharmed.  I'd say Big bad monster wasn't all she was cracked up to be.  You're the monster.  Gray, sweetheart, don't treat me so cruelly!  I protected you, didn't I?  You're perfectly saYOU CUT OUT HER TONGUE!  Our mother's tongue MY mother's tongue!  And why?  CAuse your bestfriendcannibal Jess told you to?  Cause you don'tgive a damn about anyonebutYOURSELF?  About you!  Myself is yourself!  If I'm hurt, you're hurt and I would never ever let that happen.  Maybe she meant something to you and I'm sorry you know I am that you had to go through that, but if it was hurt her or risk you being tortured more because I didn't then I will always choose to protect you.  Gray, look at me.  Always.  I will always be the one person in this world who puts you above everyone else.  No one will ever love you like I do.  Like I always have.  You are unharmed and so I don't care what happens to anyone else, myself includedyou always say you love me but if you loved me why would you hurt her she thought it was me she thought i had ripped outher tongue and smil

What an adorable face.  And no one else has ever seen it but me.  Don't tell me that was your first kiss?itsyourfirsttoo idiot wer'e the same personyou're so fucking adorable my little Gray.  Now sit tight and lemme finish the story, hm?  Where was I?

You were killing our mother.

That's not fair, Gray, don't try and twist the facts.  I wasn't the one who ripped off her arm, was I?  Or the one that bit chunks of her flesh out.  And I certainly wasn't the one who took the buzzsaw to the top of her headstopstopstopstopstop

Sorry my love, I was just trying to set your facts straight.  I didn't kill her, the cannibitch did.  You may as well have killed her.  I may as well have killed her.  She died the moment she thought her son was voluntarily cutting out her tongue.  You killed her in that moment.  We did.  I did I killed her I killed her like ikilled my dad when ididn'tstop you. you're mmyresponesiblyity

No Gray, it wasn't you.  It was me, it was big bad Kor, you couldn't stop me if you tried.  You know that.  You're too fragile, delicate little Gray, you never could have done that to your mother.  You know that.  I took the hard part upon myself.  You were asleep, I WANTED you to be asleep, I needed you away from the gore.  You don't need to see the awful things we have to do sometimes.  You sleep and stay safe, Gray, stay pure and sweet and the same as you are now.

If the water isn't working, how can we wash the blood off?

It'll dry soon enough.  We'll figure a way out of here.  Don't you worry, I'll keep you safe.  Besides, we were lucky enough to be trapped in a room with food, so we won't starve.  Did you remember what you had read about this kind of thing?

Oh, right.  It's called a Loop.  Proxies make them, I think.  They're like rips in reality filled with nightmares.  Well this one seems pretty tame as far as nightmares go.  And if a dirty proxy is skulking around here I'll teach him to mess with us.  We also got locked in the room with the knives :)

Look at the mess of words we made.  No one's going to be able to read this junk.  I'm gonna go back and color code us and also delete the garbledy gook where we type over each other, okay?  Sure, whatever, I don't care.  When you're done let's do some research on loops.  Maybe we can find something about how to break out of them.  That sounds good.  

Oh.  Kor kinda forgot the most important part, didn't he?  I'll tell it to you while he's pulling some sandwiches together.  I can't go over by the fridge right now...without a way out of the room there's nowhere to move my mom's body.....

Anyway.  How it ended.  It seemed like it would be a traditional ending, with the strong killing the weak as they usually do.  Jessica had me at knife point and I didn't even care about living really after seeing what happened to my mom.  Then behind her I saw Him, smiling.  Like he always smiles.  And the static in my head?  It was gone.  Blissful silence.  The suddenness of it made it feel like time had stopped.  He reached around her and grabbed me by the shoulders and we somehow...teleported to the other side of the room.  He turned me around to face my mother's corpse and slowly his grip tightened and it burned so painfully and then something touched my head but whether it was a tentacle or a finger or something I couldn't see and then the static was back and I screamed and I don't remember what happened to The Kor but that was when I blacked out.  When I woke up He and Jessica were gone and The Kor and I were in separate bodies.

How's that for mixed messages?  .....Yeah, I'm in no state to try and joke.  Hopefully I'll post again soon.  If these reach someone and we get comments then at least I know we're not dead, right?

I don't feel dead.

iprayed.

I prayed I always prayed always faithful.  Wouldn't God help his loyal faithful always prayed i always prayed to Him to God to Him always prayed always believed in Him.  Always always even when I didn't believe if he loved me i alwayse believe He was He was I prayed I walways prayed.  He couldn't He couldn't want this for His loyal his faithful iprayed he couln't let this happen He wouldn't God wouldn't abandon his loayl his faithyl so I prayed for Him come save me save her if not me cause I'm bad, but I never doubted Him even when I doubted if he loved me whywouldhelovemewhywouldanyoneloveme

therewas so much blood and paina nd sceaming but I prayed and He answered.  I thought GOd wouldn't abandon me, no one could deserve this, I didn't desesrve this even thoug I wonder if he doesn't love me why would he love me but he couldn't let this happen so I prayedi prayed to be saved and where was he where was my God He came He came He came He saved me.  iprayedandHesavedme my GOd HE saved me.  Better than yourGodmongrel.

why couldnt' He save herbut He saved me.  Why why whywouldHesaveme why would He care why would He come when I prayed for God why is there such a thin line between divinepunishment and divineintervention?.  iwishI knew whichone it was so I could cleantheblood off
why are there two of me

no no no no nonoononononononoNOn ONNON NONOONONONONONONONONONO
SN PNONOON
NONO
ONONONONONOONON
NONONONONONONONONO



NONONONONONONONONON NONOINJON OKNOINJONONO

Par for the Korse

So we're finally getting somewhere!  I'm really proud of you guys, look at how helpful you can be when you put your fucking minds to something.  I have a serious lead on Gray's condition, and multiple accounts pointing in the same direction.  Unfortunately those ideas all point to a mountain of shit.  

Apparently Gray's friendly buzzing is Slenderfuckoff himself trying to talk to him.

I can't speak for everyone, but I personally have absolutely no fucking interest in anything that asshole has to say.  Especially if I can't hear it.  Though according to Gray he's not really very strong in the 'communication' department since his mode of 'talking' is more of audible pain.  Then again maybe that's what he was going for.  Who knows.

This shit was annoying, but not that bad, but then Malcolm, you know, Gray's fancy courier friend?  Went and threw about the word HOLLOWED.

I've done my research, I know what that is.  It's like, a mind fuck, and do you know where I live?  IN GRAY'S FUCKING MESSED UP AS SHIT HEAD.  Sure, he lives in my head too, but if he's the one getting the old vacuum clean out then I'm the one that gets kicked.  Fuck that noise....literally.  No one messes with our head, I totally just got it the way I like it!  We take orders from no one.  Being a mindless slave is not my style, so it's not Gray's.

Besides, it's hurting Gray and that's not cool.  Still I was a bit undecided about how to deal with the issue.  Mal suggested running, and by suggested I mean practically shouted at me over email.  Gray and I have obviously been avoiding that option, Gray because he lacks the will to try and doesn't want to leave his mom, and me cause I try to keep him happy and also don't want to starve to death dying on the street.

And then.......this happened.  And this. 

*Siiiiiiiiiiigh*

Can we not get one fucking second to breathe?  Jeez.

Does Gray have some kind of like, I'm-a-weak-pansy-ass pheromone that just attracts psychopaths?  I thought keeping him inside all the time would help the situation but no, he just met more on the internet.  Maybe I should invest in a pair of permanent mittens.

Sooooooooo it's possible that a crazy cannibalistic murderer may be trying to find us for some twisted reason I can't begin to understand, but I'm not too terribly panicked.  First of all, we haven't even put our real names on here let alone our address, so I doubt that she knows how to find us.  She even lost her fancy gang or whatever, so it's not like she has funding or manpower.  She's just having a bitch fit because her stupidity came back to bite her in the ass.

All bark, bitch.  All bark.

But just in case (because I happen to like not being digested) I have decided that it's time to get moving.  It also coincides nicely with not being turned into a mindless proxy drone, so that's a plus.  Gray would probably argue with me on this point, but lucky me, he's a bit tied up with his own eardrums breaking.

Tomorrow we are getting our cast off, isn't that convenient?  Yup, broken arm's all healed, and that's really very useful, it's been annoying as shit.  So tomorrow I'm getting this stupid neon green shit removed from our arm, and then the day after that I'm gonna get my mom to give us a ride into the city claiming I'm gonna have a sleepover with that Courier chick who she was so enamored with when she came over.  Mary or something.  Makes sense that she'd live in the area since we said she "went to our school" and our mom's just so desperate for Gray to make friends, I'm sure she'd jump at him spending time with anyone.  From there it should be a cinch to get to public transportation and once I get that we can be anywhere.  Lucky for me it's winter break, so if I keep in touch with her and have a clever enough excuse, it can be a bit before she realizes something's up.

Out running an aneurysm inducing monster and a whack job with a chip on her shoulder?  Sounds like an average week to me.

Have a super great day!

A Korus of Static

I guess it's up to me to tell you this shit, since apparently Gray isn't going to.  I mean seriously, he made this blog to talk about himself, but when there's shit bothering him it's all 'I don't want to worry them', 'it's not their problem to worry about anyway'.  I mean, fuck kid, if you're gonna vent then VENT.

But he's right about one thing, you assholes aren't going to care.  You could be halfway across the world from him, he isn't expecting you to come and save him.  He isn't expecting you to tell him how to live safely.  He isn't even looking for goddamn advice, all he wants is a little bit of FUCKING PITY and you shits are too self absorbed or whatever to give the poor despairing kid what he wants.

That's what I'm here for, though, by all means, prove to him what I have been telling him all along.  That I'm the only person on this god forsaken planet that cares about him. 

Anyway, it is ME who is always coming here asking for advice.  But since appealing to your good natures seems to not work since you have consistently shown that you couldn't be bothered to try and help a crying child, I will try something else.  Bargaining?  I don't know what the fuck you people want, but just help me help Gray and I'll do something for you.  Please, just act like a fucking human.  He's fifteen, he's curled up in a corner of our mind crying in pain, how can you sit there and NOT help him.  Have a sense of fucking decency.

He says that there's this buzzing, like static in his ears.  It's been around for a while but recently it's been getting louder and more painful.  I don't hear it, so I can't know, but Gray sometimes has to stop and grab his head to try and hold it together.  I took back over to stop him from literally PULLING OUT HIS HAIR.  And apparently he even hears the static while he's inside our head.  But I can't stay here forever, if Mr. Tallfuck comes back I can't be around.

Gray and I decided that earlier, y'know, before he started having TVs turned to full sound in his ears for some reason.  

I don't know what the fuck this is, so I don't know how to fix him.  HELP ME FIX HIM.  He's my precious Gray, I NEED him.  If he breaks I'll blame every FUCKING one of you that didn't save him.

I can't deal with this alone.  

Have a nice day.    

Religious Gray

I wasn't allowed back into my church after I was released from the Hospital.  I guess I should have realized that, seeing as I'm the one who burned it to the ground.  No matter how "cured" I get people won't forget what I've done.  What I am.  Just another barrier between me and Them.  Like I needed another one.

They rebuilt it while I was away.  The parents of the kids who died had a big fundraiser.  They also donated some to mental health research.  To help kids like me, they said.  Victims of circumstance.  There's a statue out front of my dad and the two kids.  A little garden and a plaque.  I don't know what it says, I'm not welcome there.  I pass by it on the bus each morning.  Why do I sit on that side, by the windows?  I think it's some form of penance.  Or self torture.  Every time I see that statue I remember why I deserve to suffer.  But now that The Kor's back he looks at it too.  Each morning we watch it pass by together, and I feel his rage.  He still hates our father.  And it's reminding me that maybe I should hate him too?  But I don't feel any anger.  He's the fire, I'm the smoke.  

He tells me that he would burn that church down again and again if it would save me from our father.

I don't know if I'm thankful for that or scared by it.  A little of both, I suppose.

I believe in God.  But why did He make me broken?  I prayed a lot, in the Hospital, and I asked Him that.  Of course He can't respond.  I just want to know why I'm like this, half a person.  I was whole at first, was it my own weakness that ruined God's creation?  Or was I a failed attempt.  A mistake.  Have you ever thought that maybe this monster that follows us is an agent of The Lord to reclaim those that were never supposed to be born?  I think about that.  It seems like divine punishment.  I know why I would be punished.  I stare the statue down every day with the other half of my soul looking through my eyes.

Today He was there, right beside it.  As if He knew that it was the beginning of my unraveling.  The loose string He will pull on and pull on until I come undone.  I am already halfway broken.  Too many souls in one and yet not enough.  A wrong person.  God's wrecked creation.  Soon to be recalled, broken down into my components and recycled.

Maybe when my souls are in hell, the clay of my body can make something that actually contributes to this world.     

That is what I pray for.

I don't know what I'm writing.  I'm tired and it's late and I shouldn't still be up.  I hope all of your tomorrows are brighter.